Good Clean Jokes

If you have a good, clean joke you would like to add to this page, click here.

The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000."   Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls. When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?" The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service." Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or evening service?"

A man: God, how much is a million dollars to you?
God: It is but a penny.
A man: God, how long is a million years to you?
God: It is but a second.
A man: God, could you please give me a penny?
God: Sure, just a second.

"There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service," announced the pastor. After the close of the service, the group gathered at the back of the auditorium for the announced meeting. But there was a stranger in their midst. He was a visitor who had never attended their church before. "My friend," asked the pastor, did you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?" "Yes," said the visitor, "and after that sermon, I'm about as bored as you can get!"

Minister: Do you know what's in the Bible?
Little Girl: Yes. I think I know everything that's in it.
Minister: You do? Tell me.
Little Girl: OK. There's a picture of my brother's girlfriend, a ticket from the dry cleaners, one of my curls, and a Pizza Hut coupon.

A young girl once confessed to her priest that she thought she was guilty of the sin of pride. She said, "When I look in the mirror, I think I am beautiful." The priest said, "That's not a sin, that's a mistake."

Here are some of the national headlines we may see when Christ returns:
Time:   "He's Man of the Millenium!"
Parents:  "The Son of God--How to Raise an Overachiever
Field & Stream:  "Fisher of Men Returns"
The National Enquirer:  "Christ Comes Back--And He's Seen Elvis!"
Seventeen:  "Oh-mi-God!"
Self:  "God Comes Back for Me--Not You, Me!"
Athiest Monthly:  "Oops."

 The Bible
 A little boy opened the big and old family Bible
 with fascination, looking at the old pages as he
 turned them. Then something fell out of
 the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it
 closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has
 been pressed in between the pages.
 
 "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
 "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
 
 With astonishment in the young boy's voice he
 answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"